He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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