um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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