4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
