Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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