I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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