does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
