you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
