I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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