John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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