if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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