She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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