i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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