If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
