i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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