I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
