Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
