so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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