The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
