and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
