; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
