saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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