Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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