batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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