I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
