hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize