He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize