There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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