if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
