ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
