Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
