When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
