Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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