why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
