I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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