i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you would pick up someone in the library
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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