How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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