I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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