the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
