don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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