you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
