ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
