oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
