I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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