What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
