I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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