walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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