I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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