My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
