well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
