So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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