so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
