Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
