Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
