Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
PANTIES FOUND
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