Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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