if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
