Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
