He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
