Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
