Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
