Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
