my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
