yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
